Everybody Poops

, Mon May 06 2013, 08:20AM

There's a popular shopping center near where I live. People who appear desperate and disheveled stand awkwardly at the intersections that lead to the stores with signs, begging for money.

I know it's easy to judge some of these people, to think about how they might not even be homeless or even needy. And you might be right in quite a few cases. Most people around here just ignore them, avoid making eye contact. Check to make sure their doors are locked.

For me, the strangest part about the situation is that most of the people standing out there are men. You rarely see any women begging here. I'm not really sure why. And, so, on a rainy Saturday morning, when I saw a young blonde woman standing at that intersection, holding a sign up that said "will work for food," it tugged at my heartstrings just a little more than normal.

I pulled over, asked her what her situation was. She made up some story about having a kid at home, about having just lost her job. Just needing a few buck for gas to make it to a job interview. The details were pretty sketchy and she was by no means a good liar. So I asked her to cut the shit and tell me what was really going on. I found out she was strung out on meth and was just looking to get her next fix.

I pitied her. Especially since I just put her on the spot like that. Clearly, I was going to give her some money. But first, a simple favor. A favor I was almost certain she'd refuse to perform. I told her I'd give her $100 if she would let me film her taking a shit. And with surprisingly little hesitation, she agreed to the deal.

I drove her to a nearby gas station. I followed her into the women's room. I pulled out my cell phone. She dropped her pants, pulled down her underwear. She squatted with a somewhat concentrated look on her face. And then her gooey umber goodness revealed itself. A short journey from her heavenly warm cavity to the cold water. A satisfying kerplunk.

The smell was absolutely wonderful and all-enveloping. When I watch the video now, I can hear my breathing becoming heavier and heavier. Each obvious undulation of her bowels produced in me anticipation other men would expect to experience only during the birth of their first child. As her anal ring skillfully sectioned off each portion of her wonderful digesta, I fell slowly in love.

It is at once that you realize, quite shockingly, how human, how vulnerable a person is when you watch them have a bowel movement. No matter what sort of tough facade they present to the world, when they're perched on - or, in her case in order to provide a better view, hovering above - a toilet, just waiting for their filth to leave their body, you feel an immediate sense of kinship. We all shit, yet very few of use share this most intimate of moments with even our closest lovers.

Meth addiction or not, when a woman shares such a private moment with you, she becomes part of you. I haven't seen her since this encounter, but part of me still loves her.