Help! I think I killed my cousin

Wu-banga, Sat Aug 19 2006, 12:58AM

See, I had just recently started going out with my cousin again. Her brother decided not to kill me. I was out shopping when she caught my eye, It all started when we were on vacation at a beach house. My whole family and relatives including her. Well one day everyone goes to the beach and me and her decide to stay home and sleep late. we where alone. After we woke up, we took showers (seperate of course!) and I had an urge to go over there and talk to her after she got out. She was gorgeous; big breasts, Italian. Simply beautiful. And still a little wet from the shower, her brunette hair caressed her shoulders. She leaned close to me with only a thong and a tower on and said "dont be shy!" One thing led to another, and soon enough, we were making out on the couch, with her legs spread wide open. We've had a couple of incidents over the past week at the shore, where we would be alone talking and she would inch closer to me but I never suspected this.

Today, she walked in the door and saw the two computers. Apparently, she played videogames, too. This only made me love her more. She told me her favorite game was Counterstrike, and it just so happened that I had Counterstrike: Source installed on both computers. I challenged her to a game, and she accepted.

See, I'm the Counterstrike master amongst my friends. I have never lost a Counterstrike match, 1 vs 1 and my girlfriend was about to lose while I grinned and chuckled. She picked the map, Office, and we agreed to play to 50 kills.

First match starts. I gain an early lead of 20-5. All of a sudden, she starts owning me and takes the lead with 37 compared to my measly 29. I tried the best I could, but lost. She gave me a playful punch on the shoulder, and I jammed my keyboard into her chest, hard enough to deflate her boobs. After all, I was the Counterstrike master.

I get a keyboard, one that's not covered in her blood and titty juice. I start another round, and lose again. She laughs in between her fits of coughing up blood, and I take a sheet of glass and break it over her head. She's bleeding pretty badly, but I really don't care 'cause right now she's rushing at me with a Deagle and I need to kill her.

Another ends, again with her the victor. Right now, she's got about 3 butterknives and a pencil protruding from her stomach. She's screaming, "Call 911!," but I just assume that that's Italian for "Rematch!"

I pull out an easy victory in the next round. It might have been because blood was pouring out of every orafice on her body, but I think it was because I'm the fucking Counterstrike master. She's obviously not appreciating my victory, seeing as she's too busy convulsing on the floor, so I make her appreciate it by running her over with my SUV. Twice.

By now, she has no pulse. I've tried everything I can to revive her, from Riverdancing on her face to reciting Sinbad's stand-up routines. I'm thinking of pouring gasoline in her mouth to try to wake her up, but I don't know if that'll make things worse. Any suggestions?