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| PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING | ||
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| bleek |
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#woo
Registered Member #23
Joined: Fri Nov 25 2005, 11:39PMPosts: 665 |
In case you missed it these past few weeks, there has been a large scale salmonella
outbreak due to Peter Pan brand peanut butter in the US.
Because I care about my fellow Americanites, I'm here to help you guys avoid salmonella.
First, let me answer some common questions:
Q:Can I have your autograph?
A: yes
Q:12 hours after eating Peter Pan peanut butter I've experienced cramps, extreme diarrhea, and fever; can I have your autograph?
A: yes
THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR
1- Microscopic Bacteria
Salmonella is a microscopic enterobacteriaceae and can be tricky to track down, but with a keen eye and a good sense of direction anyone- EVEN YOU -can track these tricky little buggers down. (see fig. a)
Fig. A-The little bastard is hard at work
trying to feed his family of 4 and his intense
alcoholism. The only way he can do this is to
hide in your peanut butter jar
2- Bad Packaging
We all know Peter Pan is the first to test every jar of Peter Pan Peanut Butter, so make sure you consult his photo on your jar.
If Mr.Pan appears to have diarrhea, projectile vomit, or an above average temperature, discard of the peanut butter after calling for an ambulance for Mr.Pan.
Fig. B-Peter Pan showing signs of
Salmonellosis. He may be vomiting,
defecating, decaying, or ejaculating.
Throw the jar away if Peter is doing
either of the first 3.
3- Discolored Stool
If you discover your stool to be discolored (fig. c), especially red, you may have ingested salmonella and should contact poison control.
Fig. C-An unusually colored stool
4- Raw Meat
Raw meat is everywhere. If you aren't careful it will have you in it's grasps, practically spitting salmonella down your throat.
Raw meat are known to pose as sexual predators posing as young children in internet chatrooms. If you think you are being taken advantage of by a middle aged overweight man, THINK AGAIN. Most likely it is a piece of raw meat trying to get into your digestive system or brainwash you into not properly heating your meat products.
The following is a chat log between an innocent young teenager (525joeteenagexXX) looking to have gay cyber sex and a raw chunk of chicken disguised as a 40 year old internet predator disguised as a young teenager(coolPoulTry4252).
Quote:
coolPoulTry4252: A/S/L/AMCT?
525joeteenagexXX: 13/male/flordia.. . wuts AMCT?
coolPoulTry4252: average meat cooking temperature? duh
525joeteenagexXX:oh my bad. u want to see my dad naked?
Fig. D-Think your internet
chat-mate may not be 13,
and may be an internet predator?
THINK AGAIN!
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| Zero |
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I want to fuck your hand.
Registered Member #571
Joined: Thu Feb 15 2007, 09:59PMPosts: 2809 |
everytime I see one of your posts... I literally LOL. Your too funny man... one question though on the serious side. My social studies teacher, like nincas, comes onto me alot and I get turned on, like ninca does, should I be worried that he may just be raw meat in disguise?? |
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| Amped |
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Hi
Registered Member #301
Joined: Thu Jun 15 2006, 01:55AM Posts: 888 |
Discolored stool. Nice. | ||
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| Wildcard23 |
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Registered Member #514
Joined: Wed Dec 20 2006, 06:33AM Posts: 1067 |
ROFL Bleek!!! I have to agree with Amped that the Discolored Stool made me laugh pretty hard. Nice job man. Nice job. 
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| BuBBLe GooSe |
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The Original MilfHunter
Registered Member #163
Joined: Mon Mar 06 2006, 02:24PM Posts: 1592 |
Rolf! Was there really a peanut butter scare? I didn't think you could get salmonella from PB... 
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| Pockyninja |
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Ruler of all that is pocky
Registered Member #28
Joined: Mon Nov 28 2005, 11:17PM Posts: 704 |
Sadly goose there is one going on right now. they recalled all of the peter pan peanut butter up to 2006 because of possible salmonella. How it gets there I don't know. maybe someone set some raw chicken on the convator belt and forgot to wash it lol. | ||
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The Original MilfHunter
Registered Member #163
Joined: Mon Mar 06 2006, 02:24PM Posts: 1592 |
Oh Snap! That sucks, I've always been a fan of Kraft PB myself. A couple years ago when I was in high school, I worked at a rather large bread making factory on the weekends. The 7am Saturday start was rough because I was still drunk/violently hung over, but those shifts were given to the youngsters so there were a bunch of us that would hide and sleep and come in 30 mins late, take 2 hour lunches and 2, 30 min breaks,,, good times. The point: Glass bottles were strictly forbidden and twice in a three week span, our major company (which produces bread for all of Ontario, the province) had to recall massive batches due to broken GLASS in the loaves of whole wheat and white toast, the most popular items produced by the factory! (We also did bagels and english muffins,,,) It was seen as an intentional act because the 'no glass' rule is so strictly enforced. A lady chomped on a piece about an inch by an inch and sued... anyways, bosses were pissed! The 'weekenders', myself included, were dragged into a boardroom at like 8 am and we were all mangled and smelling of booze from our various escapades the night before and were asked if we heard any of the fulltime grunts brag or anything. Then we had to sign a sheet acknowledging that we were aware of the company's safety practices. (Ironically enough, you need to be certified in Ontario to operate a forklift and I never recieved any training, I just hopped on my first day and a dude showed me the basics. )funny shit I must say. They never found the culprit and I got a job with better hours a few months later, but recalling product is a total loss in time, wages, materials, shipping, etc... and the stigma associated with the company/product can't be easily erased. Because of this, how many of your moms will continue to buy Peter Pan for your PB & J sammiches?
Edited Thu Mar 01 2007, 02:20PM
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| .4ngryToasters |
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you would
Registered Member #149
Joined: Sun Feb 12 2006, 01:08AM Posts: 2039 |
Ok, lets recap: We've had Ecoli in frozen spinach and leaks, Taco Bells and Wendy's all around New England were shut down due to Ecoli, Now there's Salmonella in our peanut butter. What's next? Bird flu in our Count Chocula? Herpes in my waffles? |
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| Pockyninja |
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Ruler of all that is pocky
Registered Member #28
Joined: Mon Nov 28 2005, 11:17PM Posts: 704 |
Toast nothing is safe your only choice in this life is to not eat anything at all. ALL MUST FEAR THE FOOD!!!!! Next will be the Jelly gets the pleg. |
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| nostie |
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Registered Member #185
Joined: Thu Mar 30 2006, 10:42PM Posts: 3167 |
bleek wrote ... Quote: coolPoulTry4252: A/S/L/AMCT? 525joeteenagexXX: 13/male/flordia.. . wuts AMCT? coolPoulTry4252: average meat cooking temperature? duh 525joeteenagexXX:oh my bad. u want to see my dad naked? AHAHAHAHAHHAH I lol'd |
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